Have you experienced social anxiety? Do you make internal commentary about how well you’re interacting? What does social anxiety feel like for you? Does it stop you trying to interact with others? If you choose to stay at home instead of going out is it a factor of avoidance of the discomfort of social situations; or more that solitude is a happy experience for you?
Do you think anxiety, lack of confidence or self esteem have impacted on your ability to reach your potential? Has confidence or self esteem changed over time and what has helped?
F60: I have had a tendency to let people approach me in terms of friendships rather than initiate them. It was only by he time I reched my mid fifties that I was able to make friends with people under my own initiative. I still have problems with large groups especially parties, where I know very few people. If I am in a new group I prefer it to be one with mutual interests so that I have a ready made conversation topic. In groups, I am only truly comfortable with people I have known for a very long time where I have had time to be able to connect. I still do much better one on one or in a group of maybe 4 tops.
There have definitely been problems with lack of self esteem and I feel social anxiety and avoid too many social situations eg if I have been very social one day I prefer a day to myself to recuperate. Being with people takes a lot out of me and drains me physically.
Self confidence has improved as I got older. I have worked very hard at this doing a lot of analytical work on myself as I am. That has helped me to become more self-confident and ralize there is a place for me in this world, as opposed to thinking I just didn’t fit in.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Social Interaction
Are you engaged with many activities, interests or circles of friends? What has been rewarding for you in socializing with other people?
F60: When I worked I did so part time, and I rather think that full time would have been very difficult for me unless I had a job which didn’t interact with people much at all. I taught and ended up doing music lessons one on one which helped as again I was in a small group. I also find working with children easier as they are not critical just taking you as you are. I did have some adult students who accepted me because we had the common interest of music.
Other groups I am in are an Art group which meets weekly and is very accepting of everyone – perhaps because Artists are expected ‘to do their own thing’. I also teach a womans’ group at church, am involved in the church music, and belong to a group for British immigrants. All of these are special interest groups. My other socializing involves going out with other couples my husband and I know well – one at a time – and getting together with family.
I have a number of women friends who I see at some of these groups, talk to on the phone occasionally, but only see once in a while outside of the groups in question if at all.
What comments would you like to make about your interaction with other people, in relationships, at work, in general? Have friendships ended and you don’t understand why? Have people made comments to you about their impression of you? Is social interaction tiring?
F60: Other people’s expectations are different, I recognize that and don’t put myself in a position where I have to compromise. It’s important to be yourself. If being yourself is not good enough for them, I don’t worry. Setting boundaries with other people is necessary. I get very tired if being with other people has a lot of sensory input.
My biggest weakness is that I may not follow through enough with people who do want to be my friend. That is probably because of fear of rejection, and also because I simply can’t be with them in most cases as much as they would like, because of various sensitivities and also some health problems which cause fatigue. Because most of the world is more social people don’t understand the need to be alone and see it as unfriendliness. I don’t find it easy to get through to them that it isn’t a reflection on them, that I simply can only cope with so much.
F60: When I worked I did so part time, and I rather think that full time would have been very difficult for me unless I had a job which didn’t interact with people much at all. I taught and ended up doing music lessons one on one which helped as again I was in a small group. I also find working with children easier as they are not critical just taking you as you are. I did have some adult students who accepted me because we had the common interest of music.
Other groups I am in are an Art group which meets weekly and is very accepting of everyone – perhaps because Artists are expected ‘to do their own thing’. I also teach a womans’ group at church, am involved in the church music, and belong to a group for British immigrants. All of these are special interest groups. My other socializing involves going out with other couples my husband and I know well – one at a time – and getting together with family.
I have a number of women friends who I see at some of these groups, talk to on the phone occasionally, but only see once in a while outside of the groups in question if at all.
What comments would you like to make about your interaction with other people, in relationships, at work, in general? Have friendships ended and you don’t understand why? Have people made comments to you about their impression of you? Is social interaction tiring?
F60: Other people’s expectations are different, I recognize that and don’t put myself in a position where I have to compromise. It’s important to be yourself. If being yourself is not good enough for them, I don’t worry. Setting boundaries with other people is necessary. I get very tired if being with other people has a lot of sensory input.
My biggest weakness is that I may not follow through enough with people who do want to be my friend. That is probably because of fear of rejection, and also because I simply can’t be with them in most cases as much as they would like, because of various sensitivities and also some health problems which cause fatigue. Because most of the world is more social people don’t understand the need to be alone and see it as unfriendliness. I don’t find it easy to get through to them that it isn’t a reflection on them, that I simply can only cope with so much.
Goals
Do you have goals? Have you had goals in the past and been able to achieve them? What would you like to do if there was nothing to hold you back? What are difficulties in achieving that and do they relate to traits of AS?
F60: I've wanted to make a contribution by sharing what I can of my knowledge and myself with others. I do this in various ways. I am also very aware of what we share on subliminal levels eg I believe that if I send a thought of love to someone they will benefit from it. It would have been difficult for me if I had been ambitious as I could never have stood up to the requirements of someone in the public limelight.
What skills do you have? What do you consider your strengths, either learned or innate? Have you continued to learn new things? Are you interested in learning new things, even as you get older?
F60 My biggest strength is an ability to be able to interest myself in all kinds of activities which may not necessarily involve others. I am able to go out and do things alone if need be which many others can’t. I notice people who simply have to be with others in order to validate themselves, I don’t.
F60: I've wanted to make a contribution by sharing what I can of my knowledge and myself with others. I do this in various ways. I am also very aware of what we share on subliminal levels eg I believe that if I send a thought of love to someone they will benefit from it. It would have been difficult for me if I had been ambitious as I could never have stood up to the requirements of someone in the public limelight.
What skills do you have? What do you consider your strengths, either learned or innate? Have you continued to learn new things? Are you interested in learning new things, even as you get older?
F60 My biggest strength is an ability to be able to interest myself in all kinds of activities which may not necessarily involve others. I am able to go out and do things alone if need be which many others can’t. I notice people who simply have to be with others in order to validate themselves, I don’t.
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